x.x

There's one little insecurity I thought I buries away a long time ago
Oh well, I suppose I should just go on and accept it already
I am one completely useless being...if I'm even I being at all
And now I feel better~
...lol, like fucking hell
*sigh*
Bed v_v

Asking For Help?

Lol, yeah right
Even if I KNEW anyone capable of helping, still no
Opening yourself up that much is never a good idea
Just asking for a knife in the back, accidental or otherwise
*sigh*
On an unrelated note:
One thing leads to another thing leads to many more things
In other words, I'm in a hell of a lot of pain for the moment

*Sigh*

None of you would ever think to ask, and I'm sure as hell not saying...

*Sigh*

It seems like my life is full of downs and downs, and precious few ups as of late...
Even the people who try to encourage me, really just try and push me way out of my comfort zone
Yes, I'm a loner
Yes, it's a little too extreme
I realize that, but I have my reasons, so leave me alone
And after that, as well as telling me that I'm an interesting person (lol yeah right) it's interesting to see how people continue to ignore me to my face
It probably just shows that I was right, and I'm not interesting
And then there are other reasons I'm depressed
Like I'm about to lose my car, not that I ever used it...
The rest, well, some you should know about, if you've talked to me at all in the past few months
Some I'm not gonna say anywhere outside of my own mind
And especially not here, around you people :/
I dont know why I'm even writing this blog
All I tend to get from you people is pity
And pity is the last thing I fucking want, need, or even deserve
*sigh*
I thought about putting up some of my stories here
I came up with 3 or 4, and really started getting into them
But I've already thrown all those storylines away, so probably not gonna stick with that
Seems stories don't suit me after all, and I'm not in a poem mood
Well
We'll see, I suppose...We shall see......

The Following is a Crappy Poemish Kind of Thing...But I Do Not Really Consider it a Poem, Because it is in Free Verse. Oh, and it Sucks. Really. Dont Read it .-.

I sit, basking in the wind
Anticipating the coming rain.
But something is off from this perfect scene,
Something not quite right. A bright light
Shines down from the sky, painful, and bold.
Sun, why dost thou shine so bright
While the world dost rage and weep?
The clouds turn the world black and grey
And yet you shine on, turning the world a memorial sepia.
Lightning fights you at the horizon, and the
Thunder runs ahead, yet still you vie
for storms surrender, brightly and blightingly.
O Sun, when will you give up this pointless battle,
And let the rain come peacefully? Do you see the clouds
As dark evil, arrogant in your light? Or do you wish
The world burnt down, you sole ruler and inhabitant?
And you, the Rainbow, unfortunate and innocent
Offspring of these two enemies.
Why do you frown so enigmatically?
Do you disagree with this childish fight?
Or are you simply unhappy with your lot in life,
So short and yet so dim?
O Sun, you have finally set,
And with you your child taken.
The storm is left, all there is
And now it can let it's rain fall,
Unobstructed, washing me away...

Ugh

I'm so going to fail school
I have two more days of school
I have a paper due
Last Friday
I still have not started
I'm failing that class
And yet for some reason, I have a lot of trouble making myself care
I blame all of you
For making me so nihilistic
Because of course
Perfect as I am
Nothing could possibly be my fault
/wrist

Why The Hell Are People Following This Blog?

Seriously people
Why?
There's nothing here for you
I will never again post here, as this post proves
...
meh...
Looking like I might take a Japanese culinary class this weekend
Maybe
Asian Fest is coming up
Apparently .-.
But in the end
I still got nothing done tonight
And I'm still in danger of failing a class and not graduating
...
Damn you all
And damn me
*goes to bed*